Step five: Stop waiting for them to come around. Let go.
Have your own tips? Questions? Comments? email me [email protected]
Some of these tips may only apply if you know there is no hope in reuniting with your ex. Maybe you feel as if he/she is happy and has left you to suffer. Do you feel they are stubborn? Maybe waiting for them to realize what they left behind, and come running back to you? Maybe you feel like this is a huge nightmare?
*My only goal is to help you! Please disregard any tip, idea or statement if you feel it does not apply to your situation.*
Tip #1-
If you are talking with your friends about your break up, and they are making you feel worse, stop now. Just like the water example, your friends might not understand the pain you are going through because they have never experienced what you are talking about. Their only love, if they’ve ever had any, might classify under ‘puppy love’ which is easily forgotten and the healing process is faster. Continue to be friends with them but try to ease up on complaining about your ex, it could lead to annoyance on their side and frustration and disappointment on yours. However, you deserve to have a voice and to discuss your issues and sadness. Try talking to your parents, go online for advice, or friends that DO know what you are going through. If it gets bad enough where you are contemplating suicide or it is too difficult to handle possibly seek a school counselor or find a way to get in touch with a therapist. (It’s not crazy it helps.)
Tip #2-
Try and understand as early as possible that avoiding a phone call or deleting a text may hurt now but will help for the future. Maybe you are used to many calls or cute texts throughout the day, and it feels un-natural and scary that they have stopped. Try as hard as you can to prevent yourself from pushing the limits. Let it be, it will be okay in the end. Right now that may sound crazy or impossible, but it is possible and the faster you let go the faster you will heal. It will hurt at first, but if your ex is hurting you (even if its not intentional) STOP trying. It is making it worse and you know it. If you get the sick/longing feeling everytime they call/message/IM/text you, there is a problem and you need to reflect. What can you do to help yourself get better? Block the facebook page! Block the number! Delete the emails!
Tip #3-
Don't try to be where they will be. Parties you know they will be at, going to their work to "look around" casually, walking by their house to take the dog for a walk. All of these things could lead to more sadness or fighting. If you and your ex have an explosive relationship (and not in a good way) then you need to avoid them not only for yourself but for your friends and others. Fighting one another in public or even over the phone in public/around friends can cause further tension between you and your friends and possibly cause them to avoid inviting you along.
-OF COURSE there are those friends who we all have, the ones who egg you on, want you to call, thrive on drama, or are your true best friends who don't mind what you do. That is a different story and you can analyze that situation according to what is going on in your life.-
Further more, purposely going where your ex goes can bring up memories and cause more depression. You may regretfully discover they ignore you, treat you differently, or be extremely harsh towards you. All of these things can make the pain more intense and be a major set back in the healing process.
After a breakup, once rational thoughts
(consistent with or based on or using reason)
can quickly become irrational thoughts
(not consistent, without using reason)
You may be acting innapropriate towards your ex or not following their wishes, without even realizing it.
HOW TO HELP:
Get a GOOD friend, and ask them honestly what they think about what you are doing/thinking/planning to do/wanting.
Run it by someone who is still thinking rationally and is on the outside of the relationship, it will help you understand what is going on and bring you closer to reality. If your friend sees potential in getting back together, don't be scared to try. In cases where you and your ex do get along, and have a strong chance in reuniting, ignore tip #3.
Some of these tips may only apply if you know there is no hope in reuniting with your ex. Maybe you feel as if he/she is happy and has left you to suffer. Do you feel they are stubborn? Maybe waiting for them to realize what they left behind, and come running back to you? Maybe you feel like this is a huge nightmare?
*My only goal is to help you! Please disregard any tip, idea or statement if you feel it does not apply to your situation.*
Tip #1-
If you are talking with your friends about your break up, and they are making you feel worse, stop now. Just like the water example, your friends might not understand the pain you are going through because they have never experienced what you are talking about. Their only love, if they’ve ever had any, might classify under ‘puppy love’ which is easily forgotten and the healing process is faster. Continue to be friends with them but try to ease up on complaining about your ex, it could lead to annoyance on their side and frustration and disappointment on yours. However, you deserve to have a voice and to discuss your issues and sadness. Try talking to your parents, go online for advice, or friends that DO know what you are going through. If it gets bad enough where you are contemplating suicide or it is too difficult to handle possibly seek a school counselor or find a way to get in touch with a therapist. (It’s not crazy it helps.)
Tip #2-
Try and understand as early as possible that avoiding a phone call or deleting a text may hurt now but will help for the future. Maybe you are used to many calls or cute texts throughout the day, and it feels un-natural and scary that they have stopped. Try as hard as you can to prevent yourself from pushing the limits. Let it be, it will be okay in the end. Right now that may sound crazy or impossible, but it is possible and the faster you let go the faster you will heal. It will hurt at first, but if your ex is hurting you (even if its not intentional) STOP trying. It is making it worse and you know it. If you get the sick/longing feeling everytime they call/message/IM/text you, there is a problem and you need to reflect. What can you do to help yourself get better? Block the facebook page! Block the number! Delete the emails!
Tip #3-
Don't try to be where they will be. Parties you know they will be at, going to their work to "look around" casually, walking by their house to take the dog for a walk. All of these things could lead to more sadness or fighting. If you and your ex have an explosive relationship (and not in a good way) then you need to avoid them not only for yourself but for your friends and others. Fighting one another in public or even over the phone in public/around friends can cause further tension between you and your friends and possibly cause them to avoid inviting you along.
-OF COURSE there are those friends who we all have, the ones who egg you on, want you to call, thrive on drama, or are your true best friends who don't mind what you do. That is a different story and you can analyze that situation according to what is going on in your life.-
Further more, purposely going where your ex goes can bring up memories and cause more depression. You may regretfully discover they ignore you, treat you differently, or be extremely harsh towards you. All of these things can make the pain more intense and be a major set back in the healing process.
After a breakup, once rational thoughts
(consistent with or based on or using reason)
can quickly become irrational thoughts
(not consistent, without using reason)
You may be acting innapropriate towards your ex or not following their wishes, without even realizing it.
HOW TO HELP:
Get a GOOD friend, and ask them honestly what they think about what you are doing/thinking/planning to do/wanting.
Run it by someone who is still thinking rationally and is on the outside of the relationship, it will help you understand what is going on and bring you closer to reality. If your friend sees potential in getting back together, don't be scared to try. In cases where you and your ex do get along, and have a strong chance in reuniting, ignore tip #3.