Step four: Knowing it will get better, even when it feels like it never will.
It seems that the stages of heartbreak are nearly the same as the stages of grief after a death of a loved one.
Maybe because in a way you are grieving the loss of someone?...
Or maybe the old person you used to love is ‘dead’ and you feel as if you don’t know them anymore?
Below are the seven well known stages of grief, relating back to heartbreak...The numbered bulletins are the grief stages, the explanation underneath is my own say on each stage to get back to your old you and happiness.
(You may feel differently, but look and see what I mean...)
-Seven stages of grief-
1. Shock and Denial.
--You may feel numb, shocked and possibly will deny the reality of the situation. Shock helps protect you emotionally from being overwhelmed. This can last days to weeks depending on the situation.
2. Pain and Guilt
--After the shock is gone the pain comes. Severe pain, although try not to hold it in. Feel it, accept it and try to learn from it as best as you can. Know that the pain is there for a reason and it is not weird or abnormal. And YES it hurts BAD. It is also possible you are guilty or feel at fault for the break up or issues that happened after or leading up to it.
3. Anger and Bargaining
--So maybe now after feeling sick all the time and at fault and not good enough, the anger comes? You may notice you are quick tempered (more so than usual) and you lash out at others when you usually wouldn’t. Be careful not to be too harsh on someone, and know that everything will be ok, even though its hard to believe at this moment. There also may be common thoughts of “Why me?” or “Why am I not good enough” Don’t think that way. You are important and you exist. Which is a miracle in itself. You are blessed to be able to feel such extreme emotion. (in a weird way.)
4. Depression, Reflection and loneliness
--The anger may have been a mask to make people think you are doing better or you are over your ex. But, once the depression hits, they realize that is not nearly the case. However be happy once you are in this stage (if possible to think this way in your state of mind) you are almost halfway back to true happiness. Reflection and memories often happen during this stage but it is normal. Let it happen, don’t let others try and talk you completely out of it. If you feel sad, let yourself be sad. (on a healthy level. If it gets too intense let your parents, trusted friends or an adult know depending on your age and comfort level) However, if you wake up happy. Let yourself be happy. I think this is the worst part of getting over someone, you are possible remembering what you had, and missing it more than ever. You may feel extremely alone, worthless or even hopeless. But always try to keep in mind you are not alone. We are here, all around your hometown. *try not to isolate yourself too much during this time. But if you need to be alone, let yourself be.
5. The upward turn
-- At this stage there will be A LOT of ups and downs. Buckle up!... It get’s weird. But you may notice you are taking this breakup easier and your heart doesn’t hurt as bad anymore. Falling asleep may be somewhat easier as well, and you could feel more energetic, focused, calm and alive.
6. Reconstruction and working through
--There is a song by Maroon 5 I was listening to on the way home from school called, ‘Makes me wonder’ In the song the lyrics say “And one day I’ll wake up and it won’t hurt anymore.” 100% true...oddly. (if you have experienced this feeling but then became depressed again throughout the day, know that it wasn’t the ‘real’ break through. You WILL have amazing ups and severe downs. Don’t expect too much from yourself, you are on an emotional roller coater ride. But the ‘real’ day WILL come. Promise.) You may notice you can function much easier than before. Whether at school, work, home or with friends. The possibility of yourself seeking realistic options and solutions. Like knowing they will never come back to you and accepting that, knowing they will, or even knowing if they did, you don’t want them back anymore. *You are still working through things, expect delays.* The reconstruction and rebuilding of your life without your ex begins easiest now. Remember, there was life and love before them, there will be life and love after them too.
7. Acceptance and hope
--Now you accept what is really going on, the ache is now gone. However, there may be some hatred left over towards your ex, or the occasional worry in your head about what they are doing or thinking. But moving forward from here is the easiest of all, and you will be the closest thing to yourself again. Look forward, plan ahead, meet new people, know you’re beautiful and accept that you are happy without your ex. Don’t build your walls too high for the next person, but protect yourself first and know you are worth only the very best. Do not lower your standards, reach for the stars.
1. Shock and Denial.
--You may feel numb, shocked and possibly will deny the reality of the situation. Shock helps protect you emotionally from being overwhelmed. This can last days to weeks depending on the situation.
2. Pain and Guilt
--After the shock is gone the pain comes. Severe pain, although try not to hold it in. Feel it, accept it and try to learn from it as best as you can. Know that the pain is there for a reason and it is not weird or abnormal. And YES it hurts BAD. It is also possible you are guilty or feel at fault for the break up or issues that happened after or leading up to it.
3. Anger and Bargaining
--So maybe now after feeling sick all the time and at fault and not good enough, the anger comes? You may notice you are quick tempered (more so than usual) and you lash out at others when you usually wouldn’t. Be careful not to be too harsh on someone, and know that everything will be ok, even though its hard to believe at this moment. There also may be common thoughts of “Why me?” or “Why am I not good enough” Don’t think that way. You are important and you exist. Which is a miracle in itself. You are blessed to be able to feel such extreme emotion. (in a weird way.)
4. Depression, Reflection and loneliness
--The anger may have been a mask to make people think you are doing better or you are over your ex. But, once the depression hits, they realize that is not nearly the case. However be happy once you are in this stage (if possible to think this way in your state of mind) you are almost halfway back to true happiness. Reflection and memories often happen during this stage but it is normal. Let it happen, don’t let others try and talk you completely out of it. If you feel sad, let yourself be sad. (on a healthy level. If it gets too intense let your parents, trusted friends or an adult know depending on your age and comfort level) However, if you wake up happy. Let yourself be happy. I think this is the worst part of getting over someone, you are possible remembering what you had, and missing it more than ever. You may feel extremely alone, worthless or even hopeless. But always try to keep in mind you are not alone. We are here, all around your hometown. *try not to isolate yourself too much during this time. But if you need to be alone, let yourself be.
5. The upward turn
-- At this stage there will be A LOT of ups and downs. Buckle up!... It get’s weird. But you may notice you are taking this breakup easier and your heart doesn’t hurt as bad anymore. Falling asleep may be somewhat easier as well, and you could feel more energetic, focused, calm and alive.
6. Reconstruction and working through
--There is a song by Maroon 5 I was listening to on the way home from school called, ‘Makes me wonder’ In the song the lyrics say “And one day I’ll wake up and it won’t hurt anymore.” 100% true...oddly. (if you have experienced this feeling but then became depressed again throughout the day, know that it wasn’t the ‘real’ break through. You WILL have amazing ups and severe downs. Don’t expect too much from yourself, you are on an emotional roller coater ride. But the ‘real’ day WILL come. Promise.) You may notice you can function much easier than before. Whether at school, work, home or with friends. The possibility of yourself seeking realistic options and solutions. Like knowing they will never come back to you and accepting that, knowing they will, or even knowing if they did, you don’t want them back anymore. *You are still working through things, expect delays.* The reconstruction and rebuilding of your life without your ex begins easiest now. Remember, there was life and love before them, there will be life and love after them too.
7. Acceptance and hope
--Now you accept what is really going on, the ache is now gone. However, there may be some hatred left over towards your ex, or the occasional worry in your head about what they are doing or thinking. But moving forward from here is the easiest of all, and you will be the closest thing to yourself again. Look forward, plan ahead, meet new people, know you’re beautiful and accept that you are happy without your ex. Don’t build your walls too high for the next person, but protect yourself first and know you are worth only the very best. Do not lower your standards, reach for the stars.